A Hidden People

I had a crazy dream one night while we were still living in Berlin.  I dreamed about a famous actor living with us.  As he began to share his story with us, we found that he had almost nothing in his life that was real. We found he was actually deaf, but his parents found it shameful and had trained him to read lips very well and to hide this fact from the world.  He was also very unhealthy and no one even knew his real name. We shared the love of our family with him and he was so open and so needy for love.  He planned on living with us for awhile, when he wasn't filming.  

When I awoke, I cannot even tell you how broken my heart was for him.  I actually wept for this man who was so broken and hidden and a person the world assumed "had it all." 

That was the beginning of yet another change in my heart.

You see, I have denied the validity and reality of the mission field that I now stand on.  I have considered people in the entertainment industry a lot of things....greedy, spoiled, overly-wealthy, self-centered, pitiful, impure, perverse.....the list is long.  Somewhere in that long list, I lost sight of the fact that they were human.  In my judgement on them, I made no room for their stories.  Judgement does something to us as believers.   It closes our eyes of compassion.  Judgement speaks but does not listen.  It makes assumptions and casts shadows.  Compassion and understanding are lost in all the shadows.  Until recently, I didn't know how clouded my eyes actually were.

Then, last week, I heard the truth of Hugh Hefner's story and it broke my heart.  (And yes, I said Hugh Hefner--the founder of Playboy magazine). We know a believer here in Hollywood that had to interview him for their job.  When they asked about his childhood, the bomb dropped.  It seems Hugh grew up in a family where love was neither spoken nor physically expressed.  His mother was a germaphobic person and he does not recall her ever holding, kissing or hugging him.  He did have a blanket that he slept with every night for comfort, that was trimmed in bunnies.  When he had some problems with his ears that could have resulted in deafness, his mother consented to let him have a puppy.  She had the puppy placed in a part of the house she did not go into.  Hugh was completely in charge of the dog.  He loved the dog and even gave it his bunny blanket.  The dog died suddenly 5 days later from a disease no one knew it had.  In this devastation, Hugh's mom burned his blanket in front of him to rid the house of germs.  Hugh told the interviewer, 

"So, I guess I am just a little boy still looking for love."

I sat in shock as I heard this and thought of all the times I haven't even wanted to hear this man's name, because of the perversion attached to it.  When, in reality, what he was craving and desperately looking for in all the perversion, is the love from his mommy.  Which, as we as believers know, is sourced in Jesus' very heart.

On a BBC TV show I saw a while ago a man said, "Real poverty isn't bad housing and having no money, it is never having been loved or respected."

Hugh Hefner is surrounded by wealth and fame and money, but is spiritually poor and dying from starvation.  He is only a boy who needed to be genuinely loved.   And so, my eyes have been made even clearer and I could see again why God has us in the depths of Hollywood.  Poverty is not limited to money.  I cannot waste more time denying the spiritually poor their birthrights.  They cannot be denied the truth because they don't stand for biblical principles.  Why would they?  If the law is all they have seen, mix that with being constantly judged, and the absence of love slams the door in their faces.

Don't misunderstand...I'm not talking about overlooking immorality and excusing or sugar-coating sin.  I'm talking about loving people because they are God's children and giving them the opportunity to have real love and real family extended to them so they can really see Jesus for the first time.  When His love and power invade peoples lives, then He changes morals and reverses character flaws and sheds light on the dark places.

Perhaps Jesus understood that the rich have a harder time getting into heaven than others because they are so often denied hearing and experiencing the true gospel.  And why?  Simply because of who they are and what they have. (Don't fret, I have read the scripture and I know what it says....I'm just speculating a bit.)

I think of myself and of some people I love.....

We would never deny ourselves or our loved ones the chance to experience the love of Jesus just because of their social status. We would fight against an injustice like that. But this is what has been happening. It is a reversed prejudice that we cannot hold to any longer.  In a judgement absent from all the facts, we have willingly turned our backs on an entire people group. Somehow, I unconsciously decided that these people were rejecting Jesus, when in fact, they have never seen Him.  They have only seen a perverted or distorted image of Him.

What if all your friends only wanted to be with you because of what you could do for them?  What if the only person who genuinely cared and was trying to help you was paid to listen to you...would that be genuine?  Money and fame are false loves because people love those things and not the real person.  We must be willing to love past the demonic strongholds that are concealing a broken person.

As believers we cannot allow our purity to become distorted into haughtiness that blockades the true love of Jesus from those that desperately need Him.

So, what I had known before was challenged.

And now, what I had known before has expanded.  

Everybody needs compassion.

Everybody needs a real chance to know love.

Everybody needs Jesus.

Everybody.

I've Got That Feeling

I've been feeling something since our arrival in Los Angeles.  I couldn't identify it until very early yesterday morning, when I woke up with that painful burning feeling in my lower stomach/ upper bowel area.  

It is the same feeling I get when I fly on an airplane.  This may come as a surprise to some, but I don't like to fly.  On our first overseas trip together, Chuck and I were on a plane that caught a bad wind landing and tipped the plane hard to the right.  Since that moment, flying has been a struggle.  Every time, every flight.  As much as God has required us to travel, that may seem ridiculous to you, but it is true.  Every time we fly, I have to summon a deep courage.  Every time, I have to make a choice to get on, to not panic, to try and relax and to not only do this for myself, but to extend peace to my children.

On a plane, I am living second-to-second in complete trust in Jesus.  When I step from the jetway to the airplane, I am always conscious that I am placing my life into His hands and there is no plan B if this doesn't work out.  If Jesus doesn't hold this large metal object together that I have chosen to get on with my entire family, all is lost.  But, I know that I cannot bend to anyone (not even fear of the unknown) except God.  I cannot let anything stop me from obeying His call to go to different nations.  I won't do that because I know that following Him is worth the risk.  Yet, I still react to this physically.  I still get that burning sensation in my body.

So, when I identified it the other night, I was surprised.  I laid in bed and told God, "I'm scared." There was no putting on a good Christian attitude and picking myself up and saying "you can do it Della!" because I can't.  We can't.  No one in our family can guarantee that tomorrow we will have a place to live, or money in the bank, or know anymore about how to find our house, or if we will have problems with our van.  None of us can do anything about anything in our lives right now, except live second-to-second believing that Jesus is holding us up and that we will arrive safely at the destination He has designed for us and promised us.  

So, why the burning feeling if you really trust in and believe in God?  

Because that understanding of what we have done is real.  The cost is real.  The fact that we are out here alone is real.  And while we know many are praying for us and standing along side us in the spirit and believe in us, we are ON the "airplane." The door has been slammed shut and locked tight, we have lifted off the ground and we are flying.  And there are those moments of turbulence that have come already that make us all look at each other and say, "What have we done?" "What have we agreed to?" So many have said what a great adventure this is and that is true.  Not everyone gets to see what we have seen and what we see now.  We get a glimpse of the earth from the sky, of the greatness of what He has called us to.  It is glorious, but it is very risky.  We are committed now.  We agreed to this.  We agreed to go into the war zone with no back-up plan.  He is the only thing that can keep us from falling.  He is our only plan.  And that looks foolish. And, that activates my fear in God.  That fear is greater than my fear of looking foolish.  That is what sets the inner part of me on fire. 

This area in my body that burns was once considered seat of the soul.  He has been showing me that when my faith is activated, my soul burns.  It is like one of those pictures of the brain that you see where the active parts are lit up. While the inactive parts are still present they are not "burning." My faith is always present, because it was a gift from God.  It doesn't leave, but when it is activated it burns within me.

Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.

Ever heard that scripture?  This fear of God that is talked about in the Bible is not contradictory to the God of love we all choose to know.  It is the God who, if He doesn't do everything, then we fail. If He doesn't sustain us, we die.  It is that feeling, that burning of knowing who He is in our lives second to second.  It is trusting that despite what is at stake.  I could take the control back, remove the risk and relax completely and go to sleep.  But, instead, we said "OK" to this.  We committed to it.  So we are flying into wisdom.  Our fear of God burns within us and fills us with courage.  That burning feeling means LIFE.  We are living second-to-second.......burning with holy fear and courage and blazing a trail forward.  And it is not glamorous or easy or relaxing, but He is good and I can fully feel Him there, in that deep part of me. 

It is time.  It is time to awaken to the holiness of life......